Nothing to Say...

I'm tired
I'm sleepy
I'm depressed


I'm 100% sure I will fail analytical chemistry lecture
I got a really really really low score on my 2nd quiz despite studying
that's why I'm so frustrated because I studied really hard
but then I got that kind of score
I think it's impossible to make up for it now
I'm conditioning myself to see a 5.00 (failing grade) in my card by the end of the term
this is going to be my 2nd 5.00 grade
I'm not going to tell my parents
I feel ashamed of myself


I really want to do my college life all over again
Someone please give me a time slip
"Hallelujah Chance"
but of course it's impossible
it's my own fault for choosing Mapua and engineering
I don't have regrets going to that school and studying that program
It's just that I should have done better
before, my aim is just to pass the subject
a 3.00 (passing grade) would satisfy me
but now I want 2.00 and above grades
why?
because when I graduate, I want to have a honor
and it will give me better chances to enroll in the university I want to study for Master's Degree


I wasn't able to go to mass last Ash Wednesday
I will submit my take home quiz in dynamics where all my classmates copied from me so all have the same answers on Tuseday
I have my 3rd quiz on anal chem lecture which I already started studying since Saturday on Wednesday
I have an essay in ethics that I have no idea what to write due on March 14
I only have two weeks to do this
This term is on the 9th week now
There's only 3 more weeks left then summer vacation
I have at least 3 weeks to mourn for my failing grade


If I saw and replied earlier to my brother's text message last Friday,
I already would have a pet rabbit now


She's starting to get on my nerves
she's so KY
and stop calling me "psst"!!!
I have my own name
and it's not "psst"
you don't have to ask every little thing that's going on in this house
it's none of your business
you don't have ask every single thing you need to do
even how much rice you have to cook, you still need to disturb me?!
isn't that the reason why you're here?!
seriously annoying


I've been thinking of what I want to do with my life
and it's stressing me out
when I was a kid, I wanted to be a doctor
but I can't handle blood and syringes so I gave up
watching Code Blue reminded me how great doctors are
I'm on my 4th year in college now
it's too late to change careers
not to mention I still can't handle syringes
so I've thought of an alternative where I can be in medical and engineering field at the same time
and I've found not only one but two possible fields
(actually not only 2 but these are what I'm interested)
They are Biomedical engineering and Biomaterials engineering (I prefer this one better)
I don't think these fields is being offered anywhere in the Philippines
so I looked for other possible universities
I have mentioned before that I want to study my Master's Degree in Japan so obviously I looked for Japanese universities
so far, I have only found 2 who offers them
Tokyo Institute of Technology and University of Tokyo
I can probably get into Tokyo Tech but it's in Yokohama
I prefer to be in Tokyo but with my level, it seems Todai is impossible
and this is what's stressing me out
(this kinda seem pointless right now because I still have to graduate from bachelor's degree)


earlier I asked my brother if I can be a model too
and he said "Oo naman, ikaw lang naman ang ayaw eh"
which roughly translates to "of course you can, it's just you who doesn't want to"
I'm not pretty
I'm not thin
I'm more on the heavy side
but at least, maybe, there's also available job for me out there right?
he's holding a modeling workshop on March 14
maybe I'll attend it
do I still have to apply to him even if he's my brother?


My dad's birthday is on Tuesday
but he won't be around
he's going to Subic tomorrow for a seminar
he'll back on Thursday
I'm gonna miss him


I'll try writing my essay now
Ja ne...